DISCLAIMER: I’m not a professional. I’m not a doctor or a therapist. This is from my personal experience and I’m writing it as someone who went through it. Some information is taken from articles/studies written by professionals. Sources will be linked. If you are having a hard time and going through something, please talk to a professional, a friend, a family member, or anyone you trust. It’s never too late to get help.
We have at least got our heart broken once. Whether it’s with a lover, a friend, or a family member. And it’s pretty hard to move on from an experience. There will be a lot of whys, a lot of hows, a lot of questions and doubts. There will always be anxiety, sadness, and fear. You will start to feel like nothing is worth it, as if everything’s just going to be torn apart over and over and nothing will stop it and nothing will save you from it. It’s a very negative thing people go through. It’s not easy to cope with, because it will always be in your mind and the pain will go through you repeatedly and make it more difficult to move on from. It stays.
Heartbreak can change people, sometimes it can even change lives. But what do we do with that heartbreak? Of course, it’s in our hands how we’ll deal with it. We can either take it as the doom of our lives, or something that inspires and motivates us to be stronger. It’s in us how we will see it as. It’s your side to pick; would you let a heartbreak take over you, or would you fight it to be a better version of you?
Recently, I got into a situation that I didn’t expect would happen to me, and guess what it is? A heartbreak. I’m someone who’s not easily hurt. I can let go of things quickly. Honestly, I thought I would move on pretty easily. But I was wrong, completely wrong. It was just that I haven’t had an experience that actually broke me apart. It was hard for the first time, because you don’t know what you’re going through. I mean, technically you know you’re going through a heartbreak, but how? What are you going to do? What is there to do?
After weeks of just thinking and reflecting, I was able to help myself slowly heal from it. There were a lot of things that I realized and learned. So... I’ll be sharing them with you. These advice are a combination of professional advice and my own advice that helped me go through my hard time that might work for you too.
Healing Takes Time
First thing to keep in mind is that healing takes time. There’s no shortcuts or jumps. There’s no way you’ll be able to magically move on the next day. It can take weeks, months, or even years. Healing and coping from a heartbreak will not be fast, and that’s okay. You don’t have to rush healing yourself. Take your time, breathe, and let it all out as much as you want. That way, it will be better for you because the more you rush, the more you’re actually gonna be far from moving on.
Don’t Ignore It
Ignoring is basically running away from the pain. But it won’t leave you even if you run as fast as light. It will always be there like a shadow lurking and stalking you wherever you go. It will be harder for you to move on if you don’t stand up and overcome it. We all know it’s hard and that it’ll hurt so much to face it and acknowledge but I promise you, it will be worth it.
Let It All Out
Don’t curl the stress up into a ball and shove it deep down where no light shines. It will turn into a bomb inside you that is waiting to explode. It’s not good. Instead, let it all out. Don’t hide it. You can cry, you can shout, or you can talk to a friend. Just do not keep your frustration to yourself. It won’t help with anything, most certainly it won’t help you.
Heartbreaks are Dangerous
Heartbreaks are said to be a metaphor, but its impact is dangerous. It can lead to serious mental health issues if not taken care of early. So please, always talk to somebody. Asking for help will not make you weak, a coward, or an attention seeker. Let out everything to them. The pain, the doubts, the questions, anything and everything. Vent to them what you’re feeling and what you’re thinking. They will always be the ones at your side telling you everything will be okay. Talk to a consultant/professional if necessary.
It’s better when you tell yourself, “This happened for a good reason.” or “I’m in this situation because there’s better things coming my way.” instead of “I’m not worth it.” or “If I wasn’t stupid, this wouldn’t happen.” It’s not lying to yourself, it’s looking at a tragedy from an optimistic perspective. What happened to you won’t lessen your worth as a person. You’re as important as anyone else, keep that in mind.
Surround Yourself With Positivity
Always go to where you’re happy and do what makes you happy. Watch a movie, do your hobbies, eat your favourites, play video games, anything that will make you at least less stressed. Or surround yourself with your friends or family members you can trust and talk to and have fun with.
One of the few things you can start on, avoiding things that can trigger the pain. Try your best to avoid things that remind you of it. This could probably be photos, gifts, or any other items. Store them away for good. What if one of things that you enjoy triggers you? Well, there’s few things you can go with this. Number one being able to focus more on your enjoyment rather than the memories you had with it. Second, take a break from that thing and allow yourself to learn and to be open to other things A.K.A try something new out of your comfort bubble. Or third, take that heartbreak as an inspiration for you to be greater at what you do.
Let’s say you enjoy writing, but writing reminds you a lot of your ex-girlfriend since she was the one that got you into writing and what do you do? Simple. Make her your inspiration. How? Write about something that’s similar to your story with her. If it’s a blog, probably something like this blog? How about a novel? Does a girl that recently got dumped and is now scared to love again but soon finds herself falling for a guy sound like a good story plot? Let’s take a different hobby. Let’s say you enjoy playing volleyball, but your ex-best friend was in the same team as you. Instead of leaving the team, stay and train hard. Put all that frustration, pain, and feelings into your training. Do you see where I’m going here? It’s about taking that heartbreak and converting it into an inspiration – a motivation for you to keep going. As I said, it’s in our hands how we will take that heartbreak. In which you should take it into positivity rather than negativity, because turning that heartbreak into a good thing will benefit you greater than you think.
We can feel tired. Tired of crying, tired of venting, tired of fighting. That’s normal and that’s okay. It’s okay to not be okay. Take your time to rest and never force yourself.
Forgive but Don’t Forget
“Forgiveness is not about the other person or letting them off the hook. Forgiveness is for YOU.” wrote Alexis Meads, Professional Dating Coach, in her blog 6 Helpful Ways to Overcome Heartbreak. I agree with this a lot. Forgiving those who hurt you is not a gate pass for them to hurt you again, it’s a way of freeing yourself from being imprisoned by your own feelings.
There is Hope
After all that’s happened to you, you might think there’s no other way you can get out of this hell-hole. Well, no. There is hope. As cliche as it might sound but hey, it’s true. You might feel like you lost a huge part of your life, which – spoiler alert – will slowly build up again. You just have to be patient. What you lost from someone, you might find from someone else. You never know. Just sit back, relax, be patient and wait.
If you are in need of professional help, please go to any of these links:
Maddy is a member of HDA and is editor of this blog, there are many contributors on this blog, if you would like to be a contributor please contact me!
Edited by: Vibrational